The Secrets of Exchange

Exchange is strange because you live two lives. Not just in the sense of where you came from and where you are now, but something more than that. You have the life you show on Facebook and the wicked pictures you post on Instagram and the fun, Yfu outings you write about in your blog, but what nobody knows until they get there is what’s beneath that surface. No one back home hears about when you sat in the bathroom and cried on the first day of school because your classmates just blankly stared at you when you walked into the classroom. Nobody knows about the times when your host mom washes your laundry and it takes a week to dry. No one hears about the times when you cry when you wake up and count the days until you’re back home. Nobody hears about the silent dinners with your host family when they aren’t up for talking. No one hears about the times you’re yelled at for things that you can’t even control. No one knows about the nights when your host dad texts you at 11:30, telling you it’s time to come home. See, people don’t hear about each and every strand of hair you have to remove from the drain every time you finish taking a shower, in an attempt to not annoy your host family. Nobody hears about the hours spent studying the language. Nobody hears about the shitty feeling you get when you realize that you were probably only invited to this party because you’re foreign and the boys want to get you drunk. Exchange is hard, and this is what nobody realizes. Exchange is dry skin, terrible breakouts, brittle nails and hair that falls out. Exchange is not always fitting in. Exchange is inevitably feeling pathetic sometimes.

But that’s where the magic lies. This is the reason why we grow. If we weren’t pushed to our emotional limits, we wouldn’t become completely different people. Exchange makes you sympathetic, tolerant, adaptable, more chilled out. The bad things make the good things that much sweeter. Exchange life is life to the utmost extreme, and once you’ve lived it, you’ll never be the same again.

Exchange is learning to deal.

Exchange is gaining grace.

My best friends

Nädalavahetus algas juba reede hommikul, kui bussiga Tallinnasse sõitsin. Läksin siis sinna, et teha Yfu keeletuuri raames presentatsiooni. Koht, kuhu minema pidin, oli Kadrioru Saksa Gümnaasium. Kui kuidagi oma käsitsijoonistatud kaardi abil kohale jõudsin, nägin kohe Annat, vahetusõpilast Saksamaalt. Läksime istusime ja ootasime teisi. Varsti jõudsis teine vahetusõpilane Hannah ka ja siis juba tuli Beatrisa, kes KSG-s õpib. Panime joped ära ja läksime sööklasse. Beatrisa sõi lõunat ja ma nägin Hannat, kes oli ka meiega Saksamaal vahetusaastal!!! :)

 Mein Wochenende ist schon am Freitag, als ich nach Tallinn gefahren bin, angefangen. Da musste ich die Yfu Präsentation machen. Das war in eine Deutsche Schule wo auch meine Freundin Beatrisa ist. Als ich dahin gegangen bin, hab ich sofort Anna gesehen. Sie ist Austauschschülerin aus Deutschland. Wir gequatscht und weisst ihr was? Sie wohnt in der Nähe von Münster!!! :) Dann ist noch eine andere Asutauschschülerin, Hannah gekommen. Hannah ist in Münster geboren und wohnt jetzt in eine andere Stadt in NRW :)

Wenn Beatrisa kam, sind wir erst ins Cafe gegangen und sie hat ihr Mittagessen gegessen. Da habe ich Hanna gesehen! Sie war auch mit uns in Deutschland!!! :)

Läksime siis lõpuks klassi, mis asus viiendal korrusel. Sinna jõudes hingeldasime veits ja hakkasimegi oma esitlusega peale. Klassis oli ainult 10 õpilast ja õpetaja oli neil hästi tore ja sõbralik. Presentatsioon läks hästi ja minu osa tuli õigesti välja (kindlasti sellepärast, et olin seda kodus eelnevalt vanematele ette lugenud :D) !

Für die Präsentation müssten wir zum fünfte Stock klettern, das war anstrengend :D Aber die Klasse war ganz klein, nur 10 Schüler und die Lehrerin war sehr nett. Mit dem Präsentation ist alles gut gelaufen und ich habe mein Teil ganz gut geschafft. Wahrscheinlich weil ichs vor meinem eltern geübt habe :D

Peale presentatsiooni sõitsin linna ja sain Signega kokku. Läksime Yfu kontorisse, kus täitsin majanduskulude aruannet ja lobisesime niisama Agnesega. Signe tegi teed ja leidsime veel koolitusest järele jäänud vahvlid, mis ka ära sõime :D

Danach bin ich in die Stadt gefahren und hab da Signe getroffen. Erst sind wir zur Yfu Kontor gegangen und ich hab da einen Papier eingefüllt. Signe hat mit Tee und Waffeln gebracht und wir haben uns ganz schön chilligen gemacht :D

Edasi jalutasime ringiga läbi vanalinna tagasi solarise juurde ja tegime nostalgilise külaskäigu subwaysse.  Ja siis juba pidingi trammile kiirustama ja jätsime hüvasti. Igastahes oli tore pärastlõuna :)

Danach sind wir durch die Altstadt gelaufen und dann nochmal essen gegangen. Und dann müssten wir schon tschüss sagen :( aber es war ein schöner Nachmittag :)

Eile õhtul käisime Kerttuga kohvikus, kus sõin jäätist tänu millele mul külm hakkas. See nädalavahetus oli koguaeg  kuidagi nii külm olla :D Igastahes siis läksime meile ja chillisime kella üheni, kuni Kerttu koju läks. Meil oli väga tore ja armas üle pika aja lihtsalt maast ja ilmast lobiseda ning naerda <3

Gestern sind wir mit meine Beste Freundin Kerttu ins Cafe gegangen. Da haben wir lecker Eis gegessen, aber danach war es so sehr kalt, überhaupt bin ich dieses Wochenende die ganze Zeit gefriern :D Nach dem Cafe sind wir zu mir nach Hause gegangen und da einen Chilligen gemacht. Es war richtig schön nach der lange Zeit wieder mit Kerttu setzen und sprechen und lachen <3

What is an exchange year?

Exchange is change. Rapid, brutal, beautiful, hurtful, colorful, amazing, unexpected, overwhelming and most of all constant change. Change in lifestyle, country, language, friends, parents, houses, school, simply everything.

Exchange is realizing that everything they told you beforehand is wrong, but also right in a way.

Exchange is going from thinking you know who you are, to having no idea who you are anymore to being someone new. But not entirely new. You are still the person you were before but you jumped into that ice cold lake. You know how it feels like to be on your own. Away from home, with no one you really know. And you find out that you can actually do it.

Exchange is thinking. All the time. About everything. Thinking about those strange costumes, the strange food, the strange language. About why you’re here and not back home. About how it’s going to be like once you come back home. How that boy is going to react when you see him again. About who’s hanging out where this weekend. At first who’s inviting you at all. And in the end where you’re supposed to go, when you’re invited to ten different things. About how everybody at home is doing. Thinking about what’s right and what’s wrong. About how stupid or rude you just were to someone without meaning to be. And about what the hell that guy just said. About the point of all this. About the sense of life. About who you want to be, what you want to do. And about when that English essay is due, even though you’re marks don’t count. About whether you should go home after school, or hang out at someone’s place until midnight. Someone you didn’t even know a few months ago.

Exchange is people. Those incredibly strange people, who look at you like you’re an alien. Those people who are too afraid to talk to you. And those people who actually talk to you. Those people who know your name, even though you have never met them. Those people, who tell you who to stay away from. Those people who talk about you behind your back, those people who make fun of your country. All those people, who aren’t worth your giving a damn. Those people you ignore. And those people who invite you to their homes. Who keep you sane. Who become your friends.

Exchange is music. New music, weird music, cool music, music you will remember all your life as the soundtrack of your exchange. Music that will make you cry because all those lyrics express exactly how you feel, so far away. Music that will make you feel like you could take on the whole world.

Exchange is uncomfortable. It’s feeling out of place, like a fifth wheel. It’s talking to people you don’t like. It’s trying to be nice all the time. It’s bugs.. and bears. It’s cold, freezing cold. It’s homesickness, it’s awkward silence and its feeling guilty because you didn’t talk to someone at home. Or feeling guilty because you missed something because you were talking on Skype.

Exchange is great. It’s feeling the connection between you and your host parents grow. It’s knowing in which cupboard the peanut butter is. It’s meeting people from all over the world. It’s having a place to stay in almost every country of the world. It’s cooking food from your home country and not messing up. It’s seeing beautiful landscapes that you never knew existed.

Exchange is exchange students. The most amazing people in the whole wide world. Those people from everywhere who know exactly how you feel and those people who become your absolute best friends even though you only see most of them 3 or 4 times during your year. The people, who take almost an hour to say their final goodbyes to each other.

Exchange is falling in love with this amazing, wild, beautiful country. And with your home country.

Exchange is frustrating. Things you can’t do, things you don’t understand. Things you say, that mean the exact opposite of what you meant to say. Or even worse…

Exchange is understanding.

Exchange is unbelievable.

Exchange is nothing like you expected it to be, and everything you wanted it to be.

Exchange is not a year in your life. It’s a life in one year.

Exchange is the best year of your life so far. Without a doubt. And it’s also the worst. Without a doubt.

Exchange is something you will never forget, something that will always be a part of you. It is something no one back at home will ever truly understand.

Exchange is growing up, realizing that everybody is the same, no matter where they’re from. That there is great people and douche bags everywhere. And that it only depends on you how good or bad your day is going to be. Or the whole year. And it is realizing that you can be on your own, that you are an independent person. Finally. And it’s trying to explain that to your parents.

Exchange is dancing in the rain for no reason, crying without a reason, laughing at the same time. It’s a turmoil of every emotion possible.

Exchange is everything. And exchange is something you can’t understand unless you’ve been through it !
-Patricia

Danke dass ihr alle ein Teil von dieses Jahr wart! Ich vermisse euch! Ich vermisse mein Austauschjahr.